I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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