I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
