Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
