if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
