Are we in a gay sports bar?
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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