I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
