just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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