the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
