i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
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