is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Congratulations! We have a period
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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