Do you still have your period?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
