she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
