Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
