Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
