you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
