I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
