I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
this just has baby written all over it
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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