Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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