I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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