omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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