You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
