Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Randomize
