I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
