Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
