we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
