its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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