just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
