i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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