Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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