Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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