This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
