he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
