I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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