oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
