Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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