is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
