I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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