yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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