if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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