They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
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