you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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