I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
