I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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