6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
