I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
