I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
