you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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