Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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