Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
