I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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