I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
