Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
