oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize
