Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
