Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
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He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
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If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize