So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.