You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.