I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.