I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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