You can't motorboat a personality
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize