drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
