Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
