You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
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