I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
