Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
