jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
As shirtless as possible
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Randomize
