having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
