then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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