Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
he puts the penis in happiness.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
