he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
