So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
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