Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My penis needs a shock collar
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
