After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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