Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
