I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
