Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
